About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
