Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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