Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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