I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
