She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize
