after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize