Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
