who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
