she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we're making bets on your personal life
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
