Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
