So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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