Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
What drink are we having for lunch?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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