She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
