I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
