Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
