I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
NoShamevember. You game?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
