my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
