just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So much rum. So many feels.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
