she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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