Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
