So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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