The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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