I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
