My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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