Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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