Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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