If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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