Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
