He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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