Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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