I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize