You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
