I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You pole danced in your parka.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
