So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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