i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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