Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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