I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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