Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
