It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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