Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
