Banned from zoo.
Again?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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