allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
