loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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