After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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