Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
