1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize