mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize