shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize