I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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