I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
