I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Randomize
