Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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