Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
