I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
