my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
