I just threw up on my dentist
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
