i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
