I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
