i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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