***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
