About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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