Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
two words: eviction party
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
