Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
