Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
