My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
